Saturday, December 29, 2012

December 29th 2012 Well it has been a while since posting so I decided I would start this thing back up..I will start by saying that I am in my 5th year..Yea! If I make it to the end of 2013 without any signs of the cancer, I am considered cured. So I know this year will be the hardest and the most feared. Not saying it couldn't come back after but it sure will be nice to get there. I sure can tell I am aging alot, but Im sure we all can tell. Had a beautiful snow last night of maybe 4 inches. My husband came in this morning and said come on you are going for a ride. I must say I loved it and something we had not done in so long. But needless to say I am now alone as he went off gigging with the guys. Im glad for him to go but the loneliness just overwhelms me. I sometimes wonder how you can have 3 children and 8 grandchildren but sometimes feel so alone. Not much has happened in my life since my last writing except for loosing my sister and her family. She lives a few miles from me and have not spoke or seen me in 4 years. Not sure why but Im sure I did something but also with her help of denying how sick I was, this is what she wanted. I miss her so much and someone to talk to. It just seems since getting sick, everyone has pulled away, I need them just as much now as then. My goal if God let me live, I would make everyone be able to take care of themselves and in doing it I feel I have pushed them all away from me. My best friend has a life she doesn't want me to know about or be apart of now. Don't quite understand it all but have no choice in it. I miss her also. Maybe I am just a not good person, I just don't know anymore My Grandkids have grown so much,,I work at a local school now. Working has been a challenge as I have so much more going on. There are days I just can't hardly do it and days I don't know if I can go in and get my hours. I should have never gone back to work as its just too much with the life I want with my husband,kids, family, and just having some fun. I often why we fill our life with just too much. Had a great Christmas filled with lots of things from my family,the biggest surprise was a set of wedding rings! Im very proud of them and love my husband even more. I just don't know what I would do without him. Hoping this finds everyone who finds my blog having a great Holiday! It feels good to be back writing..

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