So I write again...

I continue my journey..10 days till the surgery. I find the days very lonely and each day is filled with prayers of good to come. I try to continue and to understand the emptiness that fills my heart as no one is around. I don't believe they all understand what can happen during the operation and the fears continue to mount in my mind. I wanted so much for the doctors to tell me this will be good and I can do it but they don't. I try to imagine what it will be like to not have to go thru what I have the past five years. I so want to be the way I use to be. Im not ready to leve my family and will fight and pray God will be beside me. today is stormy and rainy and lonely. Just wishing I had my best friend, my sister, just my family to ease this time. I have dreams of getting to travel to see things. While watching a movie I placed myself in the adventure of packing everything up, me and my dog, and just travel till I find that special place. Maybe that special place is just in a dream. I am thankful for all I have, I thank God many times in a day. God is what is getting me thru. We grow up, we loose close friends, family walks away, loose people we love, and then we look and thank God. My prayer is to get thru this and not to loose what I have.