Thursday, March 25, 2010

Trying to be stronger..

Well I haven't posted anything for a while cause I got to thinking I'm just too depressed to keep expressing my self. But today I got on to read some blogs and found one of my B. friends is in a journey of her life with cancer..So here I am back and for those that don't want to hear my journey, that's OK, it's just OK.
My heart goes out for my B. friend and I pray for the best of a report tomorrow.
I have been very busy and not doing much. My friend Shell has got me into making my cards so I have found it does relax me alot..Am I good? I doubt it but the cards are made with a lot of love so hopefully those receiving one will feel it.
I have decided to go back to work if...anyone will hire me..I was turned downed by the local Library and now have applied for a job with the school..It was hard for me to make the decision to even apply and now I'm afraid it may be a big let down. I was truly scared to start something in my life as I do not want to have to give things up as I did before..But I need a purpose in my life, I need the feeling of need back in my life, so here I go I have started.
This was my third month so in 3 months I will be at my 2 year mark..The prize from the oncologist is...I get to go to 4 month check ups..I found this real disappointing as I thought it would be 6 months but also found it even more scarier that they find it necessary to still watch me this close...I find the doc very rude and not considerate at all and truly not encouraging. The appt was disappointing as your like a number they run in and back out. I was actually asking a question as she was running out the door..But any way another 3 down..with all good reports..
My daughter Missy and her family seem to be getting even more distant..The hurt from this sometimes is so over whelming. I just find family and friends all just to busy just too much going on in their life. I guess maybe with me nothing to do I see it all more clearly.
Today is filled with rain and is so gloomy making the day longer and harder to get thru. I have got where the TV doesn't even come on but find myself following the same schedule every day. I have been walking alot and it seems to clear my head some from the worry. Thank God for my little dog LuLu, she is always beside me..


  1. I'm so sorry that your doctor's appointments have been so upsetting. I hate when you are just treated like a number. Positive attitude can make a huge difference. I don't understand why your daughter and her family would be getting more distant with you but I'm sorry you are feeling such pain over it. I think finding a different point of focus in your life could really help...such as a new job or throwing yourself into creating your cards etc. I wish you well, Judy ~ xo

  2. Hi Judy. I linked here from Robyn's at Inglewood. I'll be back. Nice to meet you. :)

  3. Hi! Your card sure made my day...Thanks...and yes it is done well and very thoughtful. Still looking for a "best fit" position for you...putting "feelers" out...Love you...Shelly

  4. Just tossing in a thought or two... shake up anything you see and hear and use what you can ...discard the rest...

    have you found any support groups... or are there buddies or any system you can take advantage in your area? even an occasional phone call to or from somebody going through a similar experience? ...just to get a different perspective on things? or to find some fun group of crafting people? or a volunteer position? Is a healing therapist an option?

    A different doctor would be perfect..but, if your system is like ours... .... almost impossible to make that happen.... but, what if you try to add some other therapist or health counsellor to your arsenal?

    keep on keeping on for now Judy.... time might make a huge difference ...and sometimes it happens all of a sudden.... one day may just turn a corner and see something that makes a big difference in your life...

    hugs, Vee