Finding out...

Its another cold and cloudy day..One of the blah days with plenty to do but don't want to do. I wanted to write today about the move I made when I was 15. The move that I was told was to supposedly get us in a safer place to live.

As I wrote before the move to a rural town was so very hard. It just seem they did everything different and was very clickish with friends. It was so hard to move there. I finally found a guy that my feelings were very deep for, his name was Rick. Meeting him made the move easier and along with the special friend that also came, I began to be happy.

Alot of things didn't make sense, why move us down there and Dad not come. Again I was told of how he was going to retire eventually and would be down there with us. It was a struggle as I didn't have my driver license, not old enough, but they allowed me to drive to town for groceries. Then the fire, then Dad did stay with us.

Well years ago I learned the truth but still found it hard to believe. Two of my Aunts, Bobbie and Marie informed me the reason Dad moved us there was because he was leaving mom and us. I still refused to believe it but was told by my sister Barb it was true. I felt mad and still do. As close as Mom and I were she never told me, everyone knew but me. I felt I had blamed the death of Jane on myself, now I felt mad because no one ever discussed the fire nor the real reason for the move. I now found myself blaming my Dad. If he had never done this, moved us into the very old home, we would never of went thru the loss. To live all these years and not know the truth. Finding out this secret really hurt me but made me realize even more that there must be other secrets..I really don't think I want to know more, the hurt was alot and I can say I still don't understand it all..I often wish Mom was here to tell me all the truth and for me to tell her how hurt I am.

Maybe my life is why I feel being honest and open with the children is so important. No one needs skeletons and secrets, it only hurts.

always...Judy