Well things have been busy in my house so I haven't found time to stop and write. Made the long trip to the doctor yesterday to get a good report but developed a sore neck from sleeping on the ride! We had 3 birthdays at Family Dinner Sunday celebrating Heather's 18th Birthday, Connors, and Samantha's. So a very big dinner for us all. Samantha stayed the whole week before as Clay was out on a business trip. Love to have them but it really puts alot on me. Also went and applied for a job. Yea Im ready to try to go back to work but was only given a blow of not getting it. I don't think Im gonna get hired because everyone still thinks of me as sick. So very let down as wanting to fill the emptiness and need of being wanted, and putting meaning back into my life.
To be thankful for so much, the feeling of sadness still remains so strong. Cancer has taken so much from me, my health, my energy, my friends, my work, and most of all my family. The little arguments with my daughters seem to be growing with such hurt and the granddaughters pulling away also. I am not able to understand why and what I have done so wrong for them to pull away from me. I try hard to understand , am I just to let them all continue to say, to treat me in anyway..I am a person and I can make my choices and my decisions, I can say what I feel and should it be so wrong? My favorite saying, "Where have all the people gone?" wondering if all cancer people feel this too.
I write what I feel, I say as I feel, am I depressing? Probably so, so do I not be honest, do I write as if all is great, do I make others think my world is great right now? I do fight for my life to be good, I fight hard and I do believe it will come but I just can not find that one thing to grab a hold of to help me. I turn to God strong and I know without him I would not have gotten where I am today.
I will continue to fight, to find the ways to pull my family and friends back to me as that is my Goal in life right now..I will prove everyone wrong,,I will show all I can do. I may cry but that's ok to cry, I may be depressing to you but that's ok that is honesty, and I will continue to fight and that's ok. that's just me.. always Judy
WOYWW
4 days ago
Judy, sounds like you had a family filled week, and it sounds like you have a wonderful family! I think for those of us who have had a disease turn our life around, have to take a moment and realize it also turns our families lives around too. The good news is, your getting better, now make new adjustments. The best way to keep family and friends around you is by them enjoying the time they spend with you. No need to fight, just relax and enjoy your new healthy life and good things will come. I have scleroderma which is attacking my lungs, no cure just treatment to keep me stable. I have a new grandbaby who lives two hundred miles away and I don't know when I will be able to see her. so keep praying and stay strong and I'm sure your family will come around soon.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Carol
Hi Judy, I found your blog via Carol's.. I am a cancer survivor of 9 years and now have a suspicious area in my breast.. but what I wanted to say after reading your blog is that you have inspired me so much by your words ~ thankyou
ReplyDeleteand with your words and your thoughts.. you must be true to yourself..tell it how it is.. that is most important xo ~ don't worry about upsetting others or trying to make out like you are ok with what is happening.. that is denying what is real in your life right now.
here is a link from a blog that I read.. it helps me xo
believing