Going Back..April 22, 2008

During the time of my chemo I became really sick but did manage to write some about what was going on in my life. From time to time I will write some of them in my blogging just so I know they are being shared.

Dated April 22, 2008

Today was the beginning of a really bad dream or what seems like a dream. In February I really started having the first signs of anything being wrong but I truly thought I had a miscarriage. This was the day I would have a visit with a OBGYN doctor which turned out to be a really bad ordeal. My very best friend Shelly was with me. There are not enough words to say what she means to me and has helped me thru my life. In my life I have some hero's and she would definately be one of my heros. A very rough day but I didn't realize I would leave grieving with the thought of loosing a baby, one I always wanted with Kevin. Getiing home I don't think family realized how much I hurt.

April 25,2008

Returned to the doctor to be told I never had a miscarriage but had Cancer of the Uterus called MMMT and that it will kill me. Maybe a year left. My life can't be over as there are things I can't leave. I will fight this with everything I have. The fear is over whelming, my family has been here for me which means so much.
Me nor Kev could sleep at night and we cried togther. I have never seen him cry but I seen so much hurt. We held each other close all night and did not sleep hardly any. I knew I loved him but did not realize, he does love me. Telling my family is so hard and I feel I have let so many down. The hurt I see is over whelming. My Girls and my son, I love you so and only hope that what I taught you, you will grab ahold and always stop and think, would mom say this is ok. Very hard day but had so much love around me..